Hers to Hold Read online

  She let go of his hand. “It’s not a mask. And if that’s what you’re telling yourself, then you’re going to be gravely disappointed when you figure things out.”

  “What do you think I’m missing?”

  “I never had a mommy and daddy teaching me how to be. My parents died when I was three and I was sent to live with my nana. But no one noticed she had Alzheimer's. So I spent my childhood trying to hide my nana’s illness so the state wouldn’t take me. I’d never even been registered in school. When I was seven she died, and I ended up in the system anyway. No one wanted some dumb, socially awkward kid, so I stayed in foster care until I aged out and ended up on the street. Under this rough exterior is a rougher interior. Get it?”

  Jamal watched her, his head propped up on his arm, with a stupid smile on his face. “Whatever you say.”

  How could anyone be so infuriating? She wanted to strangle and kiss him at the same time.

  “Well, I guess it’s time for us to head out.” Jamal pulled a matchbox from his pocket. He dumped the contents on his food.

  Sophia’s mouth fell open as a roach crawled over the remnants of his meal.

  He jumped up and screamed. “Is that a fucking roach?”

  The entire restaurant was now watching him.

  “Oh my God! It is a roach! Do you people actually clean the kitchen?”

  Sophia sank in her chair trying her best not to crack a smile as the manager rushed over in an attempt to calm Jamal down.

  By the time they left the restaurant, not only was their meal comped, Jamal was offered another free dinner in the future, which he turned down with utter disgust at the suggestion they’d ever eat there again.

  Once they were driving away, Sophia laughed so hard she could barely breathe. “You’re insane. I’m dating a broke insane stalker with a record. Do you know how you look on paper?”

  “Like the type of man a mother doesn’t even bother warning her daughter about because…well…duh.”

  They both laughed. At that moment, Sophia decided, Jamal was getting laid.

  When he pulled up in front of her building, she tilted her head to the side and asked, “Would you like to come upstairs and help me finish off a bottle of wine?”

  A flicker of uncertainty crossed Jamal’s face before he smiled and said, “Sure.”

  Jamal likely realized “finish off a bottle of wine” was code for screw like bunnies, so why did he hesitate? Maybe he had a small dick. Didn’t matter though, guys with small dicks loved to lick it. As long as Sophia was satisfied, she didn’t care how he got her there.

  Once they were upstairs, Sophia pointed to the couch, “Have a seat.” She went into the kitchen and brought back too glasses of wine and sat down next to Jamal. “So…” She hated the part between when two people know they are going to have sex and when they actually do it. So awkward.

  “So…” Jamal sat his glass on the coffee table. He lifted her legs into his lap, took off her heels and began rubbing her feet. Yep, he must have been afraid to whip it out.

  Sophia closed her eyes, purring, as she scooted closer to him, which caused her short dress to rise. She peeked at him. He was eyeing her black lace panties as he began massaging her calves.

  She moaned softly, watching Jamal’s face through half lidded eyes. “Mmmm, you keep this up and I’ll start expecting it.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I’m sick of pretense, aren’t you?” Sophia got up and sat in Jamal’s lap. She grabbed his head between her hands and kissed him hard. His lips felt as good as they looked. She slipped her tongue into his mouth making him groan. He lifted her up and laid her down on the couch. He ground his hardness against the crotch of her panties. And much to her surprise, he was not small, what she felt thrusting against her pelvis made her nervous. She hoped he liked going down on women because she would have to come at least three times before she relaxed enough to take what he was packing.

  As they kissed, she reached between them and started to unbuckle his belt. “Do you have a condom?”

  Jamal grabbed her wrist. “Wait. I can’t do this.”

  Sophia leaned on her elbows. “No, it’s okay. I have condoms in my bedroom. The magnums are kinda old, but they should be good.”

  “Not that. I have condoms. But I have to tell you something about myself.”

  “Dios mío. You’re married. You’re a pimp. You’re a married pimp with AIDS.”

  Jamal laughed. “Never married. Never been a pimp. And I was tested when I went to prison. I’m negative and haven’t been with anyone since I got out.”

  Sophia sighed with relief. “Is that it? It’s been awhile and you’re rusty?” She made a pumping motion in the air. “We’ll knock the first one out real quick and then you won’t have to worry.”

  “I like you more every time you open your mouth, so please be cool with this.” He took her hands in his own.

  No one had ever said something like that to Sophia, usually they said the opposite. The more she spoke, the less they could stand her. So she wanted to be cool with whatever he was about to confess, but the considering he was holding her hands the way people do on TV when they’re about to tell you someone died, she had reason to worry.

  “What do you know about BDSM?”

  Sophia thought of Dylan and Miranda and all the toys stashed away in his mansion. “You mean that kinky shit white people do when they have everything and are bored with their lives?”

  “Uh…yeah. I’m sorta into that.”

  Sophia snatched her hands away. “If you think I’m letting you beat me, you’ve lost your fucking mind.”

  Jamal shook his head. “I’m not a dom. I’m a sub.”

  Sophia looked at him sideways. “Are you saying you want some chick beating on you? Why?”

  “Well, it’s not just pain and beatings. D/s relationships are complicated and fulfilling. I can go through the motions of a regular relationship, but I get bored. And when I do admit what I want, most women freak out and dump me. I didn’t want to sleep with you without you knowing what I’m after.”

  “Someone to beat you?”

  “A Mistress to own me.”

  Sophia shook her head. “All MLK did, and you want be a slave.”

  Jamal stood up. “Since I’ve officially thrown a bucket of cold water on this night, I’ll be going now.”

  “Wait.” Sophia pointed at her desktop. “Show me what it is you like.”

  Sophia pulled a second chair up to her desk as Jamal looked for a porn video to give her an idea what he was talking about. The one he picked was an amateur video of a tall gorgeous woman in a latex catsuit, spanking a fat balding man with a red ball in his mouth. She looked like she was beating a Thanksgiving turkey. Sophia grabbed her sides laughing so hard she could barely keep her balance. Her face reddened and it was hard to breathe. “You…have…to…be…kidding…” she managed to say between hysterical laughter.

  Jamal jumped up and was out the door before Sophia could stop him. By the time she reached the door, she could already hear him bounding down the stairs.

  Her personality had fucked things up again. He was obviously sensitive about the whole BDSM thing and she couldn’t pretend to be a decent human being for ten fucking minutes. She didn’t know his number or where he lived. She’d never be able to apologize. Maybe it was for the best. She would have messed things up eventually. At least it was before things got too serious.

  She dumped out the wine glasses and then sat down to close her browser. The video had ended and the related videos were on the screen. She glanced a woman dressed up like a sexy teacher from the corner of her eye. She clicked the video out of curiosity. The teacher held a pointer stick which she ruthlessly struck across the hands of her “student”, a hunky stud, every time he answered a question wrong. And the guy answered every question wrong. Why hadn’t Jamal showed her that video? At least she wouldn’t have laughed.

  After that video finished, she click another. This time
to figure out what the word “pegging” meant. As she watched a woman fucking a guy with a strap on she wondered if Jamal had ever tried that, and if he had tried it, if he liked it.

  She may have fucked him with a strap on, if he’d asked nicely, instead of being some crybaby, runaway douchebag. She couldn’t apologize if she couldn’t find him.

  That night she went to bed sexually frustrated with a head full of games she’d never get to play with Jamal because she’d never see him again.

  Sophia spent the next week completely distracted at work. She was surprised no one complained about her subpar cleaning. Every night she stopped by the grocery store where they’d met to pick up a few things. She saw the cashier that’d given Jamal her address. The cashier had never seen Jamal before the day he’d met Sophia and hadn’t seen him since. Sophia snapped on the girl for sharing her personal information with a complete stranger and then left the store.

  That Friday, Sophia couldn’t even drag herself to work. She called in sick. What was wrong with her? Getting this depressed over a guy she had one date with. But there was something about Jamal. Some invisible pull that told her deep down he was the one. Sure he was a criminal and a stalker and a bum. But he was her criminalstalkerbum.

  If he could find her, then she could find him. She just had to use the things she knew about him as clues. His name was Jamal Jones. He was from Danville. He served his time at the State Pen. A retired drug dealer with a dentist dad and teacher mom.

  That’s it! Sophia ran to her computer and looked up dentists with the last name Jones in Danville. There were four. She called the first one and asked if he had a son named Jamal. Then the second. On her third call she’d found Jamal’s dad.

  Sophia did her best impression of a woman with sophistication and education. “Hi, Mr. Jones. I’m a friend of Jamal’s from MIT. We’ve lost touch and I was wondering if you have his contact information.”

  “Sorry, young lady. I haven’t spoken to my son in years.”

  “But you must have some way of contacting him, a number or address of a friend he still in contact with. An email address? His Facebook page?”

  “Wait. He and my receptionist were friends in high school. I think she mentioned something about him sending her a birthday card a couple months back. I’ll see if she still has the envelope.”

  Sophia could hear Jamal’s dad leaving the room and asking about the card. She could even hear the rustle of papers as they both searched her desk hunting for it. She held her breath until she heard the receptionist say, “Here it is.”

  Jamal’s dad read her the address and she jotted it down. “I hope you find him. Would you mind calling back here and letting me know how he’s doing if you do?”

  “Of course. If I find him I’ll let you know.”

  Sophia headed out to her car. It was a three month old address but it was all she had to go on. She knew the area well enough. The street was a bit run down, filled with single family homes, half of which were boarded up. When she reached the house she was relieved to find it wasn’t one of the houses that had been boarded up. She climbed the lopsided stone stairs. Opened the screenless screen door, and then knocked.

  An old woman with rollers in her hair, wearing a housecoat, opened the door. “What you want?”

  Sophia suspected her trip was in vain. “I’m looking for Jamal.”

  The woman pointed to a second set of stairs next to the porch, the ones going down. “He lives in the basement, honey. Sorry for the attitude. I thought you were a Jehovah’s Witness.”

  She’d found Jamal. This lady could have kicked her in the stomach and it wouldn’t have put a dent in her day. “Gracias, señora.”

  Sophia skipped down the stairs two at a time. She knocked and then held her breath as she heard rustling inside. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he’d already moved on and was in there with a woman?

  Jamal opened the door. “Sophia? What are you…how’d you find out where I live?”

  Sophia pushed past him and entered his apartment. “What do you think you’re the only person with mad-stalker skills in this relationship?”

  “Relationship?”

  Sophia wrapped her arms around Jamal’s neck, hugging him tightly. “Well, had someone not run from my place like Cinder-fucking-rella then they would know I’m willing to set Civil Rights back by a few centuries and ‘own’ you.”

  Jamal held her waist and then leaned in to kiss her. As she kissed him, she realized how much she loved doing so. She missed everything about him. His feel, his taste, his laugh, his earthy, cinnamon smell. Everything.

  As he guided her towards his bedroom, she broke their kiss. “Is there anything I should know?”

  “Well, there is a lot we need to talk about. But for now, just know. My greatest pleasure comes from pleasing you.”

  Sophia groaned. She liked the thought of that.

  Jamal pushed her onto his bed, kissing her neck as he unbuttoned her blouse.

  She grabbed his shoulders. “Wait. Stop.”

  Jamal stepped back and looked at her questioningly.

  Sophia kneeled on the bed. “First I want to see you. All of you.”

  Jamal pulled his t-shirt over his head exposing his chiseled abs. With one swift movement he pulled off his shorts and underwear together and stood at the edge of the bed ready for inspection.

  Sophia took her time lapping up every inch of him with her eyes. Even though he was only half hard he was quite massive. Staring at his cock, she said, “I tell you I’m going to make all your pervy dreams come true and that’s how excited you get? Disappointing.”

  Jamal reached to stroke himself but Sophia slapped his hand away. She stepped off the bed and stood behind him. She ran her long red nails over his shoulders as she whispered in his ear. “How do you feel about orgasm denial?”

  “If that’s what you wish. I will endeavor to please you, Mistress.”

  Sophia liked the sound of that word on his lips. “Well, I don’t see why you should be rewarded until I’m completely and utterly satisfied. And I should warn you. I’m very hard to satisfy.” She ran her nails down his back to his ass. She pinched it and asked, “And what about pegging? What if I never let you come? What if I just bend you over every night and take your ass with a strap on? How would you like that?”

  Jamal didn’t answer, but he was breathing heavy. Sophia peeked around to see that he was now hard and throbbing. Mission accomplished.

  She slapped the back of his head. “When I ask you question answer me?”

  Jamal fell to his knees. “Yes, Mistress. I want to serve you in every way I can. Any way I can. My body is yours to do with as you please.” He knelt down and kissed her foot.

  Sophia was so wound up she could barely stand it. Her panties were soaked just from the thoughts about all the things she would do to him. And he’d do them all, gladly, eagerly. It was what he wanted. Before meeting him, she would have never guessed it, but it was what she wanted too.

  She lifted her skirt. “Pull off my panties…with your teeth.”

  Jamal bit at the fabric and pulled. One side would come down, but then the other side would get stuck, so then he’d have to drag the other side a few inches. Back and forth, bit by bit, the process was probably more torturous for her than it was for him. Finally, her panties hit the floor and she stepped out of them. Still fully dressed and in her heels, she lifted her skirt enough to put one of her feet on his bed.

  She slid her finger over her engorged clit, playing with her folds. Jamal knelt inches away like a pup with a biscuit on his nose waiting for permission to eat. “Kiss me here.”

  Sophia barely had time to utter the command before Jamal grabbed her ass to steady her and dove onto her pussy. He licked and sucked her hard, making her thighs quiver. She was glad he was holding her, she doubted she could stand otherwise.

  He stuck his tongue deep inside as far as it would go, making her long for something more substantial. He lapped at her
pussy until she gripped his head, her hips shaking as she came all over his face. But that didn’t make him slow down or stop. He kept right on, sucking her pussy, the pleasure quickly rebuilding inside her.

  After she came a second time, she had to ask. “Isn’t your tongue tired?”

  “I’ll endure the pain if it pleases you.”

  Sophia pulled her leg off the bed, wobbling as she tried to regain her balance.

  “Lay down.”

  Without questioning her, Jamal climbed on the bed.

  “Condoms?”

  Jamal pointed to his bedside stand.

  Sophia opened it to find magnums, vibrators, dildos, cockrings and more. “Prepared like a boy scout, I see.”

  Jamal gave her the two finger salute.

  Sophia picked up a clear plastic ring with a tiny switch on it, she flipped and it began to vibrate in her hand. “Just curious, you haven’t used this stuff with another woman, have you?”

  Jamal laughed. “Nah, they were all ‘wishful thinking’ purchases.”

  Sophia tore the wrapper open and rolled the condom down Jamal’s rock hard cock. Getting the vibrating cockring on was much more difficult, but Sophia was determined. The ring was clearly meant to go on before the guy was hard. But with enough force, Sophia managed to get it down to the base of his dick.

  Once she got it on, she mounted him. “You are not allowed to come. Do you understand me? That’s a privilege you have to earn. If you feel yourself getting close, you better tell me.”

  “Yes, Mistress.”

  Sophia pressed down, trying to take him. His cock seemed so impossibly large. It stretched her to capacity. But inch by inch she managed to sink down until finally her clit came in contact with the vibrating cockring at the base of his cock.

  The intensity of it almost made her jump. But as she started to get used to the fat cock filling her and the vibration running through her body, she came to look forward to every downward thrust where she’d get that jolt of bliss.

  Her hands were planted on Jamal’s chest, who held her hips, aiding her rise and fall on his dick. A sheen of sweat covered his entire body, which gave his skin a beautiful glow. “Oh God, I’m going to come,” he said.